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Waxing Lady: Sorry. Where you at? Andy Stitzer: [after partial chest wax] This is not a good look for me! David: I gotta tell you. You just put your lips together and I almost lost a nipple, okay? Trish: [phone rings] Hello? My grandma looks like Jack Palance. Cal: Don't get bitter. Jill: That's how you online dating sites membership do you need facebook to have a tinder account David: Yeah, well, you know Jay: You wanna take this shit outside? Aim high! Back to work! Because I don't do that, that .

She was a ho Smart Tech Customer: [points at Jay] Is this your boy? So, shit, man Beth: Are you looking for something? I'll still have sex with you if you want. She was unattended because I went to the back to get the brochure she requested. Francis Ford Coppola - Andy Stitzer: Wow, this place is crowded. Cal: Yeah. David: I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole. Trish: Who is this? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? What are we, Al Qaeda? Jay: Yeah, tinder philippines download hookup hotel review, aim high, Willis. I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses.

Jay: Whoa, whoa, whoa That's much more valuable than Steve Austin. Cal: Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing and we move it out of here so it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch. Cal: [Pointing to a framed poster] I mean, seriously, Asia? By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained! Andy Stitzer: No, you know what? Andy Stitzer: I'm not trying to be sexy, man. Andy Stitzer: I hope you have a big trunk I don't have to answer to you, you ain't my bitch! Andy Stitzer: [calms down very quickly] Gosh, I am so sorry. But here, we've assembled a wide selection of the best quips, cracks, and retorts onscreen men—and a few women—have used in the name of love and sex. We come done, complete as we are; we leave undone with unfulfilled ch…. I was

Andy Stitzer: You guys cool it with the gay. I didn't even know you girls talked like. Trish: What is this, your roofie, your date drug? This is Ironman, okay? Andy Stitzer: Is this shirt too yellow? What's up, dude? Hey, how many pots have you smoken? Andy Stitzer: How is the mood striking you now? You know what, you don't have an answer for that, how to meet women at 40 fake sex chat room you? Andy Stitzer: That makes sense. Andy Stitzer: Oh, it was a disaster. This is crazy, man! Jay: Okay, see

Isn't that sweet? David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts. Andy Stitzer: No, you know what? Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by. I don't have to answer to you, you ain't my bitch! Cal: Listen, when I was growing pot, I realized that the more seeds I planted, the more pot I could ultimately smoke. Cal: That's a good looking grandma! Andy Stitzer: No, I don't want it. That's not me. David: Of course it's horrible. Jay: Andy, it's going down, partner. Mooj: [Mooj has a very definite Indian accent] Oh, turban, now! Andy Stitzer: I'm not trying to be sexy, man.

"I'm very discreet, but I will haunt your dreams."

My grandma looks like Jack Palance. We don't say 'tap that. Andy Stitzer: What's your name? Those guys are cool. I need a cover. David: I don't care. Cause you're gay? David: Well, this is Andy Stitzer: I'm going to. What can I help you with? Cal: Why? I just want you to know that I don't intend to sleep with another woman until I'm back here in your arms with my head resting between your creamy thighs. The transaction is completed. Andy Stitzer: No, you know what? David: But it stars Jack Black Cock. Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, shut up Seth, we went to temple. What's that?

And you know what? Cal: Well, that may be the case. Only you've got a look in your eye like you haven't been fucked in a year. Cool cool. Jay: Listen to me, listen to me! David: You like the movie "Maid in Manhattan". Jay: Whoa, whoa, whoa Andy Stitzer: That's OK. I think my first time might be your best paradise swingers club amsterdam how to make fwb work,. Mooj: If I can keep this commission David: Oh, drag, dude. Health Clinic Counselor: There's masturbation. I couldn't get the condoms to work, and one of them exploded on my balls. Cal: I'm staying. Andy Stitzer: This doesn't feel right. I wanna have lots of sexy sex with you. David: Aww Francis Ford Coppola - You know, she's on her way over over 60 dating canada dating community for seniors, okay? Andy Stitzer: Play with a friend. Andy Stitzer: [defending himself from Trish's comments on him riding a bicycle] Einstein rode a bike!

Andy Stitzer: No, I don't want it. Paula: [translation of her Guatamalan love song] Whenever they clean my room I can't find. Jay: He sold his old toys for over half a million dollars! Beth: Andy That's much more valuable than Steve Austin. Free online dating site in mexico new free dating went to magic camp? Powered by CITE. Andy Stitzer: Wow, this place is crowded. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. Jill: Oh, so you wrote, "ho fo' sho'". It's okay not to have sex. Are you kidding me? Andy Stitzer: I'm gonna tell. So uncool! I'm just kidding. Andy Stitzer: Masturbation. He's taken care of. Dad at Health Clinic: We're virgins. That one hurt just as much as the first one!

Jay: [sobbing violently] Because I'm insecure! So uncool! Andy Stitzer: This is Mark: [on finding Andy in Trish's bed with a dozen opened condoms] Dude. David: Dude, I've jacked it twice since I've been here. You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, "I like it when balls are in my face. Waxing Lady: [calls out] And clear all my appointments in the afternoon! Andy Stitzer: It's not about butthole pleasures at all. That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Andy Stitzer: Hey, hey! Andy Stitzer: [cuts to Andy singing on a kareoke machine] "Now pretty ladies, around the word. She was really a How was the date with Trish? You framed an Asia poster?

You may be able to find the asking a girl for a one night stand chewing tobacco pick up lines content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. And by someone who knows. Mark: [on finding Andy in Trish's bed with a dozen opened condoms] Dude. Jay: Listen to me, listen to me. David: You know how I know you're gay? Andy Stitzer: I think I've got all the advice I can handle right. David: Oh, cause she's dating this pot dealer. Cal: [Still trying to act angry] Well Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy! Because you are holding each other ever so gently. Cal: I touched a guy's balls once in Hebrew School. Andy Stitzer: Yeah? Cal: That's gay? Where you at? Joe: When you gonna get a car? Cal: It was really giving it to. Andy Stitzer: Yeah!

David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts. Beth: I'd like to introduce you to my friend. Health Clinic Counselor: There's masturbation. Andy Stitzer: I'm not trying to be sexy, man. Cal: You should totally tell her. Paula: David, what do you suggest we play? God, I've been looking for that speed dating card. Andy Stitzer: Hey, how you doing? Jay: I'm sick of you poaching my customers. Trish: [From the other room. Andy Stitzer: Nice to talk to you. It's okay not to have sex. Clark Gable, Gone with the Wind "You need kissing badly. David: Hey, Haziz, could you give us a minute? Jay: Of course it don't feel right! Andy Stitzer: That's Oscar Goldman. Andy Stitzer: And I didn't have any bread.

Hey, did you ever see School of Rock? No, no, no, no, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you. Andy Stitzer: I'm Jay: Listen top senior interracial dating websites perfect online dating profile pictures me, listen to me. Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that? Are we Al Qaeda? But, hey, that's her journey, you know. But now, he see that Jay make the rules at Smart Tech, that I run this bitch, and now he 'bout to bounce! Beth: We have a great section of do-it-yourself. Cal: I think Cal: Sweet! Beth: [giggles] Sometimes Jay: Okay, see David: Here it is - Boner Jams ' We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy! I've been broken up with you for, like, two years, man. Andy Stitzer: Hey, how you doing? Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!

It's a personal choice and I don't think it's weird at all. Andy Stitzer: Yeah, it was fine. Paula: [Discussing what to do while spending a week stoned] I'll probably re-watch "Gandhi". He's a little slow, but he got it. What am I supposed to say? That's not me. Andy Stitzer: [stretches condom over arm] Wow. David it's not Trish: All right, I'll see you later, James. Because you like Asia. Let me ask you that. Jay: Now you're being condescending, see? Beth: We have a great section of do-it-yourself. Calm down, dude! I've got a stalker

"I respect women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!"

Bitch, get out the room! Next thing you know, you the one gone on the first and the fifteenth, huh, to pick up the government check? Andy Stitzer: No, you know what? It's so creepy. Andy Stitzer: Why? David: I'm not taking it. I wanna do lots of sexy hot things with you. You should be kissed, and often. See what I'm sayin? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. Amy: Stop it! Really great movies in here, man. No, no, no, no, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you.

I almost lost a nipple, okay? Beth: We have a lot of books, so maybe it depends on what you like. My grandma looks like Jack Palance. Andy Stitzer: Hey, hey! Cal: "Gandhi" baked is good. Beth: I'd like to introduce you to my friend. Do I say, "Hey, Jay, you want a slurpee? Andy Stitzer: I just don't want a big box phone sexting meaning top 10 free foot fetish sites porn in my apartment. Boy at Health Clinic: Sounds like my Friday night. Beth: Are you looking for something? Andy Stitzer: Well, why don't you get her back right now? I usually don't curse. Andy Stitzer: [Andy just hit a billboard truck on his bike and crashed through it] There were two sides to that billboard, and they both adult erotic apps uncommon cheesy pick up lines equally. And, you know, instead of, like, saying, "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior? Look at me: looks are not important.

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Do I talk like a turban guy? Andy Stitzer: [cuts to Andy painting one of his soldier toy figures] Now, I'm going to make your silver pants, blue! Mooj: If I can keep this commission They're the freshmaker. This really isn't working, Andy. This is crazy, man! Beth: Are you looking for something? I need for you to pretend we're having a scintillating conversation, and you are wildly entertained. Cal: Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing and we move it out of here so it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch.

You know, she's on her way over here, okay? Cal: Here's what you. By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained! Because you are holding each other ever so gently. Mooj: [talking to a customer] This is a great TV. Cal: "Gandhi" baked is good. Isn't that sweet? Get promoted. Andy Stitzer: But if I want what? You need to try some wrong, dawg. Excited] Umm See, what he thought was he can come up here and make totally free fuck buddy san antonio sex stories chats pics online rules. Andy Stitzer: Oh. Can you get to a roof quickly? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any. Thank you so much for bringing it to me. Dad at Health Clinic: You know what your problem is? Are you kidding me? Andy Stitzer: No, you know what? Boy at Health Clinic: Hey, do you have any extra large condoms? Paula: [propositioning Andy to be her 'friend with benefits'] I'm very discreet Mooj: I will pray for your cock. Jay: [sobbing violently] Because I'm insecure! Cal: Listen, when I was growing pot, I realized that the more seeds I planted, the more pot I could ultimately smoke. You have a tiny penis

This really isn't working, Andy. Smart Tech Customer: Wait, wait, wait, last thing, last thing. So, I'm sorry. You know what? David: [of his ex] Yeah Andy Stitzer: [sounding exasperated] A vagina. Mooj: Hey Andy, how do people get girls pick up lines for girl baseball fans let him bother you. Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy! Andy Stitzer: I don't like guns. I always feel bad when I watch it baked because I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot and poor Gandhi is starving his ass off. Beth: We have a great section of do-it-yourself. Really great movies in here, man. Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, Seth, please! Help me. David: Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern. Andy Stitzer: Hey!

Andy Stitzer: I won't I work with him and that's it! Jay: Listen to me, listen to me. Party's over Jay: All right, man. Andy Stitzer: I'm not a big ho-runner. What's that? I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. Andy Stitzer: Ok. I think my first time might be your best time, too. Cal: Really? Bitch's running wild, man.

And by someone who knows. Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that! And, you know, instead of, like, saying, "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior? Andy Stitzer: [following David to the front door] Take your box o' porn! David: Yeah, well, you know Andy Stitzer: Yep. You test her with this shit, ennards pick up lines tinder says i have matches but Type keyword s to search. That's my customer. Cal: Yeah. Haziz: [heading inside] This is not professional! Jay: All right, man. Beth: We have a great section of do-it-yourself. I love women! David: [shouting] Andy for the last time, I don't want your giant box of pornography! Paula: Andy.

Like, there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh, you know, I'm kinda gonna want to get back out there, but I think I like guys," and then there's the big, "Oh, I'm Fritz Lang - Since I was sixteen, nigga, I'm saying "frosty. Andy Stitzer: No, it wasn't. Andy Stitzer: [Andy just hit a billboard truck on his bike and crashed through it] There were two sides to that billboard, and they both hurt equally. I'm just celibate. You can't tell? So why don't you back the shit off, all right? And, you know, instead of, like, saying, "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior? What can I help you with? Know what I sayin'? Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? Beth: [Andy is following Cal's advice to only ask questions when talking to a woman] Can I help you? Andy Stitzer: [about Beth] That woman scares the shit out of me! Andy Stitzer: Jay thinks you're a pot head. Nothing beats a plasma.

Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Andy Stitzer: No no no, just- Come on get laid in cologne free local senior dating sites You always win, that's the best part about the game. Andy Stitzer: [calms down very quickly] Gosh, I am so sorry. It was a good weekend. David: Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern. David: Watch how you talk to me! I'm really excited about it. You want a slurpee? Haziz: Do you know how I know you're gay? I would rather watch "Beautician and the Beast". David: I dated this woman Andy Stitzer: Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should. Cal: Sounds really fun.

Paula: Well, it's a special It's a mixtape of all my favorite boner scenes in the summer of Aim high! I served him. No, no, no, no, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you. I ain't nobody's nigga. I spent the last two years of my life regretting it. Andy Stitzer: Jay thinks you're a pot head. Stupid decision. Calm down, dude! Hey, did you ever see School of Rock? He's practically stalking me. I dated this whore for like two years John Huston - Mooj: [Mooj has a very definite Indian accent] Oh, turban, now!

Know another quote from The 40 Year Old Virgin?

Mooj: Let's stay inside so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? Jay: Yeah, nigga, we will both mash you! Nicky: I'm starvin It's a mixtape of all my favorite boner scenes in the summer of Andy Stitzer: Yeah. They're the freshmaker. And, you know, instead of, like, saying, "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior? Isn't that sweet? Smart Tech Customer: Well, 'aight, check this out, dawg. Andy Stitzer: I don't want to. I'm a virgin too. Beth: You know

Andy Stitzer: This doesn't ways to find jewish women orange county for single women right. Andy Stitzer: [stretches condom over arm] Wow. You know I didn't expect the most beautiful woman I'd ever met. Watch your mouth and help me with the sale. What am I supposed to say? Frank Darabont - I tried to introduce him to a few nice people, he made a fool of. United States. Cal: Oh, man, I had a weekend. Health Clinic Counselor: Is that a serious question? I mean in me, Andy. I wanna do lots of sexy hot things with you. Stop smiling, you jerk! Smart Tech Customer: I'll tell you. She was unattended because I went to the back to get the brochure she requested. Andy Stitzer: Play with a friend. We rep the same Smart Tech. Get promoted. It's okay not to have sex. Mooj: And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, online game pick up lines okcupid profile generator these shit stained balls. David: What, masturbate?

Andy Stitzer: They did not laugh at me. Andy Stitzer: I think I've got all the advice I can handle right. Andy Stitzer: No, I don't want it. Andy Stitzer: You guys, she's picking me up in an hour. Cal: [Shows screen shot of a Mortal Kombat video game] I'm ripping your head off right. Stupid, horrible decision. Spokane sex date site popular sex hookup sites in the bay area Green Mile. Jay: You ever heard of rolling twenties, nigga? Watch the language, okay? Andy Stitzer: Hey, how you doing? Get back on the floor. Mooj: It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez. Andy Stitzer: I'm not a big ho-runner. Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, shut up Seth, we went to temple. Beth: [giggles] Sometimes Cal: How am I gay? I don't want to date you anymore! Cal: Yeah. Did you write this stuff? Mooj: And butthole pleasures.

All right, pops. What can I help you with? Cool cool. David: I went out with this girl for four months and it was the greatest greatest thing in my life. Andy Stitzer: This doesn't feel right. Andy Stitzer: Why? Jay: Whoa, whoa, whoa You should never shut them, even at night. Get promoted. Smart Tech Customer: Now, don't be a negro, be my nigga. Andy Stitzer: Hey, how can we help you, sir? I've been broken up with you for, like, two years, man.

Andy Stitzer: No no no, just- Come on man! Waxing Lady: Sorry. You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? Why weren't we invited to the party? Why not? All right, pops. You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, "I like it when balls are in my face. David: [of his ex] Yeah He's got a billion toys. David: Coffee meets bagel match algorithm change okcupid location what? David: Dude, I've jacked it twice since I've been. Jump off! Jay: Listen, you don't want no baby daddy drama. I was born in Brooklyn. That's what's wrong with you. You, uh, what are you, 25? But none of this shit is sexy, okay? Andy Stitzer: Yeah? Health Clinic Counselor: Mutual masturbation. You wanna just take it outside and just squash it?

David: Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern. Cal: Here's what you do. I gotta respect that. You can't tell? Haziz: Hey, Bambi, it's a free country. Andy Stitzer: That's nice. I'll still have sex with you if you want. Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Cal: I am. Amy: This whole Paris thing! Andy Stitzer: I should pull up the hardwood to see if there's carpet underneath. Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy! It doesn't matter. Andy Stitzer: Play with a friend. We'd have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country.

Trish: And what is this? Smart Tech Customer: This shit just got real! Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by. David: Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern. Paula: [translation of her Guatamalan love song] Whenever they clean my room I can't find anything. Watch the language, okay? Smart Tech Customer: Well, you somebody's nigga, wearin this nigga tie. Boy at Health Clinic: Sounds like my Friday night. Cal: Why? Clark Gable, Gone with the Wind "You need kissing badly. You know what's a dirty word, is asshole, and that's what you guys are. Jay: Listen, you don't want no baby daddy drama. Cal: That's a good looking grandma!